Prelude: my best friend, whom I love to bits and haven't seen in 3 years, called me yesterday out of the blue to tell me she was in Manhattan for 48 hours and she couldn't leave without seeing me. Which spurred a few reflections on our friendship, inspired by the high of seeing her "live" again. And then, a few reflections on why the high and why the post-high crash.
I had such a great afternoon yesterday. I know moms have "me time", and I have always interpreted that as getting a massage, a mani-pedi, or other spa treatment, something to remind you you are a human being in your own right, not just "mommy".
I didn't do any of that; and yet, I had the best Me Time ever yesterday, thanks to a surprise visit by my best friend. I had totally forgotten that it can be great to just walk, sipping an iced latte, and talk. How liberating it is to get a hug by somebody who doesn't care how little or how much makeup you are wearing, what brand of clothes and accessories you have on, or if you gained weight. How relaxing it can be to walk, even in the middle of Manhattan, when you feel completely comfortable and content, glad to share that time with the person you are walking with. And how that can make you feel more serene, better adjusted, more self-assured, less self-conscious.
Why don't I feel like that normally? Is it being a mom? Is it being a stay-at-home mom? Not working? Being a housewife? Or it it living in the suburbs? Not having an exciting social life?
I have to figure that out and change it, pronto. Because yesterday I remembered how much fun I can have, how much fun I can be, without even doing anything special.
Was it that I was enjoying some rare "me time" when I didn't have to worry about anything but sipping my latte and not stepping on dog poo (honestly, don't people clean up after their dogs??)? Was it that I could relax without worrying about crossing the street with the stroller? (you try crossing in 15 seconds!!)
What if it's just that I am lonely and the only way to remedy is to meet another M.? That's not a very comforting thought. Nor do I think she can be replaced - no one you love can be, really. But there must be another kindred soul somewhere. Maybe I should do what Paris Hilton does and publicly look for a new BFF. God, I hate Paris Hilton. But hey. Maybe her system works. Any volunteers?
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24 comments:
HA!!!!!! I'm not volunteering (am on the other side of the country), but actually think it's an idea to consider! (really? maybe ...) Where have "I" gone? Something I ask myself occasionally ... being "just a mom" these days is definitely the most challenging job of my life ... and I know the stay-at-home thing is temporary, but I miss myself - my good friends (all with older kiddos) - my time ... love the post - thanks :-)
I found your blog through another one and I'm so glad I did. I'm feeling the same way; I just never in a million years thought a mom in Manhattan would feel it too. Yes, ignorance is alive and well in Minnesota today. Manhattan is my utopia! I'm disillusioned that the entire city is just like the The Today Show. Which HA!, right? But, stay with me now (I know, its fierce right now) it makes me feel Better, because I could never live up to that image. Well who can?! This is an A-Ha! moment for me, so thanks very much. And Good Luck finding another friend in the City. Ask the Lord for one, it really works. Blessings, Whitney
Nah. Nothing Paris Hilton does is ever worth duplicating.
BUT, you need some outlets, some people, some women who can give you what you felt when seeing your dear friend.
Best of luck finding it.
Please tell me if you figure out some secret formula. I have been on the hunt for a BFF since high school now. Ha! I mean the fella is great but he couldn't be less interested in shopping and coffees.
I'm glad you're on the way to making yourself feel great all the time. It's a liberating feeling to make yourself number one.
This is a great post. I think that as Moms we do tend to forget ourselves and need to stop and smell the roses. I am working on this too. Glad to hear that you had a great time with your friend.
Thanks for dropping on my blog and glad that I visited yours! Great post! I completely understand that relaxed, content feeling of being out with a good friend without having to worry about anybody else. Us SAHM-ers need that from time to time! Good luck in your BFF search! (I am in the midwest.)
Listen, I just think she talks funny! I'm also always in shock when cars stop way ahead of me when I'm crossing the street in the stroller!
I just know Paris Hilton has a funny voice and I'm always in shock when a car stops way ahead of me when I'm crossing with stroller.
I can't seem to leave a comment for you today :(
Awesome post. I think we all feel that way (with or without kids) when our closest friends aren't near us.
I, too, have been feeling like lately I work, go home, cook, sleep and wake up to do the same thing all over.
Seeing my friends or having "me time" with someone out of the normal routine is an amazing thing.
However, do not ever go the Paris Hilton route or I can't read your blog. :)
Sweet post. I'm glad you enjoyed your girl chat, it's a great feeling, something I should make more time for as well!
hi there...thanks for stopping by the lylah blog and commenting on my 'princess'....that was in disneyland just last friday...is she just one of the cutest little people?
blessings..lylah
I'm totally down ;)
Aren't bff's grand. No one knows me better, no one puts up with my crap better...it's just nice isn't it!
The best thing you can do is take a moment or two just for you weather it's a walk or a pedicure. Great post
It's so important to take time for yourself - I'm so glad you had the chance. Most of my "me" time has nothing to do with fancy spas, but rather spending time with friends or just putting my feet up while I read a book. I cherish that time!
Okay, I have to know where you got the neat little email address display in the 'Me, in a nutshell' section.
ohmigoodness i am the same way. there is nothing, nothing more therapeutic than girly time. every time i do it, i remember afterward the pre-kid me and how much fun she was and all the things she liked and laughed at and all the silly things she used to say and how funny she was! and sometimes i get sad because i need to be "me" more. i'm so glad you got some of that!
Great post! I think so many of us feel that way. Last winter, I suddenly started buying things on ebay, like my favorite Joan Jett LP, photos of my college, and framed pics from my childhood vacation spot...I realized I was trying to reclaim "the old me" - Now I've hung these things up, and it makes me feel better.
I think it's a product of being "the caretaker" - you lose yourself along the way.
p.s. I grew up in Rye!
When I first read this post, I had no idea what you were talking about regarding the Paris Hilton thing. Then I saw her new show advertised last night. That girl is whacked.
I have a best friend that lives an hour+ away from me. I have several other good friends, but she's still #1. Even if you tried to replace your M, it wouldn't work.
Anyway, this post hits home and makes me weepy and apparently rambly. I'm sorry your BFF lives so far away. :(
I seriously was about to blog on this very exact subject...was browsing some of my fav blogs and found yours on WM's blogroll.
In about six weeks, Hubby and I are going on a Carribbean cruise. Am I excited? No effing way. I've been a SAHM for so long that now I've got the opposite of needing "me time." Any time spent not with kids or actually just doing anything fun at all leaves me feeling so guilty, I usually end up backing out. Well, I did have one weekend away in April...one weekend in 17 years....see what I mean? Love love love your blog, btw.
I totally feel your pain. My BFF lives 5 hours away and although we try to see each other once a year and email often, it just isn't the same as when we were younger and had fewer responsibilities. I miss those days, but I'm glad that she is still in my life.
Paris Hilton is an idiot.
It is so hard to stay in touch even when you're in the same city! I am single and have a boyfriend but I am pulled in a zillion directions. I linked to your blog love it (thanks for stopping by See Pretty Things)
It is so hard to stay in touch even when you're in the same city! I am single and have a boyfriend but I am pulled in a zillion directions. I linked to your blog love it (thanks for stopping by See Pretty Things)
UH... I'm practically down the street - so I think I should get the job of BFF!LOL It's so strange when you lose touch with a friend that you were with all the time. It's hard to transition back in. I wish we could just pick up where we left off, but it's not that easy.
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